i realized today that i’m not ready to be tied down to just one person. i’ve been telling the boi from Pittsburgh that we should just “share” for awhile. But she’s not interested in sharing. She’s 3 years older than i am, she’s had long-ish relationships and i guess she’s just tired of playing the dating game.
but i’ve never played before, i’ve barely stuck the toes of my cleats into the lovely orange clay. and she wants to turn me into a spectator. she’s ready to make me a kept woman, she’s promising all manner of pleasures and exploits, as well as care and comfort.
but it really isn’t time for that, just yet. for me.
i need to flex, i need to breathe, i need to know what i want before i take what’s being offered so willingly. it frightens me that she’s ready to take me – give me everything without ever having met me.
we do communicate well. she says, “i feel like i can tell you anything.” but plenty of people tell me that. she makes me laugh when i’m frustrated, and i make her smile when she’s down… but i can’t help feeling still, that something is amiss.