passing

I watched something on the internet a couple weeks ago. About how butch women can’t really pass as well as femme women can. The video was talking about how butch women don’t get the same treatment as femmes do, either. And I started feeling guilty about the ways in which I pass on a daily basis. I’m not out at work. Not because I’m avoiding it… ok maybe I’m avoiding it… but I wouldn’t really care about coming out, it’s just that I’ve successfully avoided anything of the sort coming up in conversation.

Let’s not even discuss the family thing. Mom and siblings are the only ones who need to know as far as I’m concerned. Everyone else can leave me well enough alone, thank you.

I’m not exactly out at church. I don’t think it would really change much about the relationship I have with my religious family, but it certainly isn’t the most pleasant topic of conversation, considering the biblical references. And I’ve definitely had my fair share of stern discussions and so-called “interventions” (Lord, I think I’ve had more than my fair share!).

The only time I’m really visible is when I’m out with the queers. And even then, they mistake me for the token straight girl. Older gay men especially just think I’m a pretty straight girl out with my gay friends.

But it’s an honest mistake: people probably just sense the straight girl aura I have. After all, I’ve been living life as a straight woman for so long. Sometimes I don’t even feel like a lesbian because I’m so single and my life really mimics that of a heterosexual so very well. [take note ladies: single!] Um, I think this is a rant. Sorry.

But how can I be more open? I’m really not into stickers, patches and buttons. No fucking way are you going to get me to cut my hair short (you come near me with scissors and you die!) and my attire is already as gay as it can be without saying “gay” on it. I mostly wear pants and long shorts with girly button-up shirts or polos and flip flops. But who sees that as queer except the queers?

Any suggestions? Should just introduce myself, “Hi my name is Avarice, I’m about as gay as they come”? I can’t use the excuse of having a girlfriend either because I don’t have one! Difficult. But I really don’t intend to be passing for much longer…

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5 thoughts on “passing

  1. I don’t think that you need to be visually out to those who don’t need to know (ie anyone you’re not interested in!).

    I dress in boy clothes, have short hair and you can pretty much tell straight away if you want to. Normally I would say it’s good to be out and proud – if you’re more visible it will eventually lead to more tolerance in general. However after an experience at the pub last night where I got harassed by a bunch of redneck assholes, I’m thinking being visible is a lot more trouble than it’s worth.

    As long as you know who you are within yourself.

  2. You already present as femme, which is what you self identify as. If we didn’t live in such a heterosexist society, people might be able to see that. The fact that they never think beyond feminine=straight is a problem of their own ignorance and not something you need to remedy. Even society’s assumption that all masculine women are butch and thus gay is wrong! People need to stop correlating gender presentation with sexuality. Don’t change yourself to fit the ignorance, instead be yourself and hope to the ignorant assumptions. Being feminine and gay is just as subversive as being female and masculine… more people need to recognize that.

  3. Thanks guys! Both your comments are very insightful.

    Vic! Are you okay, lovey? I didn’t know they had rednecks in aussie, too!
    D: You’re damn right, people do need to stop associating gender identity with sexuality!

    It’s like being an undercover agent. Working for the man, yet secretly working to tear him down… ?

  4. Thanks for your concern, Ms. Avarice. It’s very lovely. I’m fine, they were just vocal idiots and all it led me to do was go on an absolute drinking bender in avoidance. Hung over, and a little less proud the next day but otherwise good.

    Cheers,
    Vic

  5. How funny, I wrote a post several days ago about exactly this 🙂 You make some very good points, and I enjoy reading your point of view. Glad I came by…

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