you’ve got it all wrong

tonight, someone who has only met me twice had the nerve to call me straight laced. clearly, the person was misinformed, but that doesn’t make me any less furious.

Straight laced? Uh, last time
I checked, the drawstrings
on my fucking corset
were cross-laced.
Obviously you didn’t
take the time to look
a little closer.
If you had,
you would’ve seen
all the red marks,
scratches and scabs
covering my back
and shoulders and waist
because I have had my hands
arms twisted behind me,
tearing at the laces,
yanking pulling the string,
even breaking the straps.
I am determined to
draw the string out of

every.

last.

hole.

The other day, someone else did the same thing, in so many words — “Oh, no you’re too shy for that!” What bothers me about the term “straight laced” is that it connotes (at least to me) the tattle tale, the voice of reason, the one who can’t relax. It’s the one who plays by the rules instead of making up her own – the one who refuses to subvert.

It is my mother.

I’m compelled to prove the person wrong next time we meet, but I don’t know what purpose that would serve. It motivates me to keep on tearing at the laces, trying to break free. Where are my safety scissors? Someone come and cut me out. I need it.

[Edit: 03:43] A friend of mine clarified that “straight laced” basically means that I’m not a drug addict or a whore. I guess I don’t really fit those descriptions… exactly. Apparently the person did me a favor, but that doesn’t make me feel any less indignant. Maybe, in larger perspective, it was meant to make me examine how I take rejection? If that was the test, I don’t think I did very well…

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “you’ve got it all wrong

  1. I relate. Kind of like “serious,” (which I’ve also been called), “straight-laced” is often a euphamism for “boring.” One of the drawbacks of being quiet.

    For what it’s worth, I think you’re brilliant, and fascinating enough to keep me reading this blog!

    –Lazy D.

  2. i always think it’s interesting to hear how people view me. especially people who don’t know me very well, because i like to know how i present – even (or maybe especially) if it’s way off-base or even kind of insulting.

    the one that comes to mind is when a college buddy described me as “asexual”. it kind of blew me away, but then i realizedthat he’d have no way of knowing otherwise because (particularly at that time) i never talked about that sort of thing. people also think i’m a pothead. i get that allll the time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: