Marian’s next bold move

I need to stop kissing girls that I don’t like. I went out to Gay Bar with Marian for lesbian night, and it was alright. It was her friend’s birthday but the friend had already PTFO’d and M was completely, utterly drunk. Worse than the night I got her number. Apparently she’s a shy girl who’s intimidated by my intelligence. Isn’t there some statistic about how the more education a woman has, the harder it is for her to find a suitable mate – either because she has high standards, or because people are intimidated by her intellectual prowess? I felt a little bit insulted, but I knew she wouldn’t even have the courage to tell me that I am too smart for her if she wasn’t drunk. So I brushed it off.

She’s just not for me, terribly not for me and I hope that she doesn’t remember in the morning. Really. Truly. She had her hands all over me on the couch, asking me to come to the bathroom with her – I said people get kicked out for that. “What are you going to do with me in the bathroom?”

“I’m going to fuck your brains out”

Not exactly a panty dropper fer me… I would like to know why these women – and it’s happened before – tell me that I’m so smart one minute, and the next minute they want to fuck my brains out. What is wrong with this picture? Here, you’re too smart, let me fuck some of your brains out and then we’ll be on the same level. Right? No. I know it’s just a figure of speech. It just kills me. I told her, well, that might be nice but you know you’re pretty drunk and no one’s ever made me orgasm before…” She was feeling confident: “Yeah, well I’m not like everybody else, you’ve never been with me so how do you know I can’t do it?” I was totally embarrassed her hands literally in my shirt. All she wanted to do was kiss and our styles are absolutely incompatible.

Ugh. I feel gross. So incredibly gross. Partly because I haven’t been feeling well, partly because I spent all night trying to act indifferent but she was being so brave and persistent. But seriously. I need to explain in very clear terms to her that I am not, under any circumstances, drunk or sober, interested in a relationship of any kind – even a purely sexual one. It is simply not going to happen.

The bar tender’s kinda cute though. But I bet they get hit on all the time and don’t even care. I went out with the bouncer a couple of times back in like 2003 or something when Jay was trying to hook me up with all his friends. She doesn’t remember me. I don’t think she’d be into me. But what do I know?

{{i’m at my fattest weight again, and it’s upsetting me. in general, i don’t get hung up on my body, but i’m pretty fucken displeased with those numbers at the moment.}}

I want to see Erin again. “Single butch looking for TLC – 30” was the title to her craigslist ad. I wonder if anyone else answered. I’d rather skip the drinks next time, though… She’s so tender and gentle.

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