tentative/definite

This morning as Dana was dreading going to work, I was asleep in the bed, wishing that she could stay with me. I watched her face move between irritated, sad, tired and angry in cycles. It was just one of those days. Last night I brought up “dating” with her – I wanted to see what all this business of dating more than one person and being “okay” with it is all about. It didn’t sit very well with her. I’m not disappointed, it’s more of a curiosity for me than anything else. What disappointed me was that I made her sad. I don’t want to stop seeing her, or sleeping with, or spending my days with her. Not yet, not for a long while, I hope.

Her eyes swept over my naked body and decided she would have a taste of me for breakfast, mouthfulls of my flesh and moisture and energy. She pushed my knees apart and brought her mouth down to my waiting, wanting clit. I was still a little bit asleep but each stroke brought me closer and closer to that release of energy. She brought me to the edge of myself and with a big deep breath, I brought my arms down to touch where it feels best, and from there I jumped into a bottomless pit. It seemed like minutes, 5 or more, I pulsed and my stomach contracted, and that nonsense speak, these incomprehensible moans erupted from my voice until finally I found something to grip. Instead of pulling out her two (only two?) fingers from my melting pussy she left them in, pushing them in and dragging them out – this is that sex organ that floats in the open for all to see (if only i could possess them, cover and dress them and keep them my secret). She fucked me this way for a few more minutes, but there was a rising tide of emotion gathering in my throat and my cheekbones and my neck. I lifted my arm up and rested it over my eyes and started to cry.

I want her, and I’ve been trying to say the things that will convince her but I think because of the shortness of the time we have been together, things still feel so tentative. But that is not how I am thinking of it. It is the opposite of tentative. Definite.

She held me and told me “it’s okay” a hundred times until I believed her. I’m waiting now to see her again, I’m waiting now to hold her again.

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3 thoughts on “tentative/definite

  1. this made me remember so vividly when me and jake first got together. it was exactly that: tentative/definite.

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