breaking point

I’m not gonna lie, I’m struggling to keep my head above the churning, foaming waters of other people’s problems right now. If Dana and I lived in a bubble our lives would be fine, but everyone around us is in turmoil, whether it be some kind of physical ailment, bouts of depression, or financial woes. I can’t help them all and in a day or so I’m going to have to just step back and deliver them into the hands of their own fates, because I cannot save the world. My friend Anth is down friend Georgia (I pick him up, wow!) and it has been good to have him around. Dana, Pa tri ci a, Anth and I spent last night until 02:30 in the waiting room of the ER taking care of Autumn and Sol. Something happened to Sol because of some medication she took, and Autumn was beside herself and needed someone to care for her needs as she was caring for Sol. I’ve never seen someone so persistently, so stubbornly love someone in the face of so many stressful circumstances. Anyone would be lucky to be loved by her. But it’s hard to see her struggle, too. I know they are going to be alright. But it’s hard to start out a long-term relationship on the worse end of “for better, for worse” you know?

And once again, because my stress defense is to neglect my homework, I’m behind in my assignments and I missed class on Tuesday. I really can’t afford to not take this class, but I’m doing really badly. I’m going to need to talk to my professor because he has already endured several unexcused absences and a rather tall stack of late homework which he accepted and graded! I have not managed myself well at all this, my last, semester. I need help, and I don’t know where to get that help from. I also need a peaceful life and a quiet, warm home. How does one achieve that? It has eluded me basically my entire life. How do you successful people attain success? Is it an uphill battle, scraping from the bottom of the barrel all the time until something gives? When do I get a break??

Also: money sucks. I’m very poor at money management. And I’m digging myself an even worse financial hole than before. This is bad, folks.

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