Small

I have loved and befriended people of many different kinds of physical configurations. She is the smallest one. My awareness of the contrast between the two of us was constant. At the time, I was fully twice her size. For awhile, we slept together frequently. I cradled her with my body as she snuggled up to me. Until her, I didn’t really comprehend what people mean when they say that a slender person seems so fragile. I always tried to be gentle, if I squeezed her too hard, I thought she might dissipate into a steam of tears carried off by my breath, leaving behind just her soft garments and me (breathless). She cooked for me, she made me feel special, she cried into my scarves and let me hold her. Too much wine, too many bedtime cookies, too many tears and way way too much uncertainty.

The we of she and I fell to pieces when I left. I boxed everything up and left town because I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t even help myself, I had nothing left for anyone else. I was desperate. Now there is nothing left of us. It’s our birthday time of year, last year was our first birthday together and it was awful – money, housing & social issues ruined it. I had hoped to get a second chance. But I haven’t heard her voice in nearly 6 months.

Precious one. My shooting star. Flight. My summer sunlight and breezes. All I ask of you is that you love yourself as much as I do. It’s easy, if you only try.

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