If you love it, let it go

Don’t make assumptions based on the title of this post. It’s not going to say what you think it will.

If you love it, let it go.

Right now I am intentionally, very specifically practicing this mantra. The best part is that letting those I love go, at least for now, means I get to keep them! I have two sweethearts who also have other sweethearts and we all are so very satisfied with that. Simon has a sweetheart who lives in a nearby city. He sees her once a week, or so, I sometimes feel guilty that I get to spend so much more time with him. I met his sweetheart recently, a beautiful soul, whom I am now privileged to know.

Kali also has a special someone whom I have yet to meet. Before she went on the road, Kali’s sweetheart lived closer to her, so she had someone to spend time with. That made me happy. Kali’s big news is a fancy job overseas. I will be learning to give her up for the second time. It is not as dramatic as that sounds, we are accustomed to loving each other from afar. For my birthday last month, some friends of mine gave me a passport cover and money to renew my passport. They know how much I care about her and they know that I will undoubtedly go to see her.

Right now, Kali is sitting at the desk in our hotel room, there is lilting tropicalia dancing out of her laptop as she mutates her thoughts and theories into digital format. This is our third visit since I saw her back in March. The first was for one night before she had to make professional appearances. Less than 24 hours. The second one was for almost a full day before she had to go and visit family. This time, I had the beautiful experience spending a full day with her before taking time out for sex. I so enjoyed participating in the mundane with her. We dined, ran some errands, stopped at my house to meet Simon & look at our plants, walked in a public garden together, kissed behind a tree when no one was looking.

In my last post about her, I talked about how I chose to name her Kali because Kali is the goddess of time. We are always racing against the clock to have as much sex and physical contact as we can before having to part ways. Until she got hired by an ancient college in another country, I thought we wouldn’t have to be so conscious of the clock and the calendar anymore. Now I have two months left before she becomes significantly less accessible to me. She will have a new time zone, a new way of living, new people occupying her attention. As disappointing as this may sound, this is one of the best things that could happen to her after putting her career on hold for so long, and for all the wrong reasons. My hope is that she will also find a companion there. Someone to increase her enjoyment of life, and expand her use of her corporeal manifestation beyond its professional applications.

As of right now, I have a little more than a day left with her, more than we’ve have had during either of our last two visits. We’re having lunch with Simon and the one who is dear to him. It will be the first time any of us has ever had a poly double date. Everyone is open to it, but I am really the one asking for it. Why? I’m not sure. Perhaps it is because I want concrete evidence of the progress I’ve made with respect to polyamory. Perhaps it’s just because I think the three of them (Kali, Simon and his dear one) are all such fantastic people who would find a lot of common ground with one another. Regardless, I’m looking forward to an engaging conversation this afternoon.

Kali leaves by flight tomorrow afternoon, I’m taking her to the airport on my lunch break. We may or may not see each other before she leaves the country in August. Either way, I know I will see her soon enough.

I do lament her leaving, losing the softness of her touch and lacking the sound of her liquid voice with which she is, even now, speaking to me about the interconnectedness of music, language and culture. However, I know full well that this is the best choice for her. I want her to be recognized for who she is: A leader with a sharp mind and an electric personality, who, knowingly or unwittingly, draws up others with her as she rises.

I am adamant that she not stay. I will not stand in the way, nor passively allow myself to distract her from her purpose. I am willing to let her go.

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